Burgers with Lime Mayonnaise

The intent was to successfully finish our epic fish marathon.  Our game plan was extensive and detailed.  The tilapia would be blackened to hide the fact that we were still eating fish.  As a further precaution, the tilapia would then be served with lime mayonnaise and as a sandwich to mask the texture and taste of tilapia.  And in celebration we invited Cedric to aid in the disappearance of the tilapia.

At least… that was the plan.

If I had a nickel for every plan I made, I’d be a very, very rich person.

Alas it was not meant to be.  (Not that Tonks or I complained).  By the time we had finally organized ourselves and found the motivation to finish the tilapia it was three days after the tilapia had expired and the fish was looking fairly suspicious.  But for some odd reason, Cedric wasn’t too thrilled in aiding our culinary efforts as test subject 1827.

It seemed prudent at this point to adapt our plans.  Since we’d already prepared the seasoning mix, we used that to prepare sausage patties instead.

The rest of the afternoon passed in relative normality. Cedric pretended to study, but really played with Google Goggles.  Tonks pretended to study as well, but really watched KPop music videos.  And I pretended to watch KPop videos, but really browsed food porn.  And meanwhile we watched Call Me Maybe parodies like this one and this one, and immortalized our cooking habits to that tune.

The song goes something like this:

It’s hard to look right,
At tilapia.
But try it blackened,
Or as a sandwich.

It’s hard to tell I,
Think it’s smelly.
So here’s tilapia,
Just eat maybe?

I’d like to check it,
I need test subjects.
How ’bout tilapia?
It’s green and slimy.

Something weird was growing,
Slight green fuzz was showing,
Feed it to you without knowing,
Where you think you’re going crazy?

The fish was staring.
Thin, pale skin was showing.
I feared for our lives now,
What are these regrets I’m feeling?!?!

I took my time with the fish,
I though about the black tint,
I thought you just might be cool,
So now you’re in the clear.

You took your time with the fish,
I took no time with the sauce,
You gave me back a clean dish,
And now you’re in my way.

Hey, I just fed you.
And this is crazy.
But here’s bread pudding,
So try it maybe?

Okay, so our song won’t ever be #1 in the Billboards, but it’s not that terrible.  All right, fine, so maybe it is.  If our musical talent’s not to your liking
Then maybe you’ll,
Like the sandwich?

Sausage Burgers with Lime Mayonnaise
Intended to be Paula Deen‘s recipe.

4 ciabatta rolls
1 onion
1 lb ground sausage
3 eggs
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
2 tbsp paprika
1 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground pepper
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup cilantro
1 lime
Vegetable Oil

Spit rolls and place them into the toaster.

Dice onions and blend with sausage, eggs, flour, baking powder, paprika, onion powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper.  Shape mix into medium-sized patties and cook on a hot skillet with oil on medium high.  Cook until brown, about 3-5 minutes per side.

Meanwhile, chop the cilantro and mix in with the mayonnaise and lime.

Remove rolls from toaster and spread lime mayonnaise on each side.  Place a sausage patty bun and dig in.

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